December 27: Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. The plumber came after 14 hours of waiting; he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. The B!TCH is driving me crazy!!!!!
December 29: Ten more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not for only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his a$$. The wife went home to her mother. Nine inches predicted.
December 31: I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
