December 20: The electricity’s back on, but we had another 14 inches of the da!mn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. The Godda!mn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to buy a snow blower, and they’re out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white $h!t fell today, and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get dressed to go out and shovel, and then I had to p!$$. By the time I got undressed, p!$$ed, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the a$$hole is lying.
December 23: Only two inches of snow today, and it warmed up to “0.” My wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she’s lying.
December 24: Six inches. Snow packed so hard by the snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-b!tch who drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his ball$ and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, then comes down the street at a hundred miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I’ve just been! Tonight my wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the Godda!mn snowplow.
December 25: Merry F!=@!x!x1 Christmas. 20 more inches of the !=3D@x@!x!x1 slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s a fricking id!ot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the h€ll did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.
